Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Regret

http://www.flickr.com/photos/obsequies/10825543423/
Childish as it may seem, I often think about packing up and leaving when no one is around. Finding somewhere that I can buy a cheap house/building, move into it, and make it my own. Leave everything that bothers me behind and not say a word to anyone about it. Finally move away from my Dad's house, get away from family drama, get away from a relapsing boyfriend, finally have a place to call my own, and be able to just worry about myself and what I can handle.

For years I've been dreaming about buying a house, and was quite a good saver before three years ago. Actually, I had saved up quite a bit and if I'd continued on that path over these three years, I'd have a whole lot of options right now. There is so much that I regret right now, so much to wonder about...how things would have been different. To think about how much less stressful life would be right now if I had just stuck on that path, and how much further ahead my life would be. Three years behind...

Even if things improve, how long will it last for? If not for certain circumstances, all that is going on would have likely started a long time ago. Even it ends how long until it starts again? How much of this can I stand? Then the fact that in order for everything to stop something truly awful will likely have to happen...I can't go through that again. I'm preparing myself for the worst. Perhaps if I start accepting things and grieving now it won't hurt so much later...

At least this time those around me know what's going on, and have been supportive. It's nice to know there's people to talk to, and they know to not be as hard on me considering what's going on. Why do I let myself be put through this?

Song of the day...

1 comment:

  1. well, It's never too late to start saving for your dream house! I am a home body as well and I need my own space especially away from toxic things or people. I hope you can begin again and find a place to make your own!

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